The Beach, Wednesday Evening

[dark_slippy_thing]

Valentine had decided a few days back that he actually rather liked the beach.

There was no one particular reason, really, except that it was so huge and different from anything that he had back in his own world. He had decided that, if he ever had to pick any one place to say good-bye to Fandom from, it would probably be this spot, right here on the beach, where there was a sandcastle a few days before that had been carried away by the tide.

The soft roar of the waves and the haze of the sunset and the water that simply seemed to never end all made him feel so very small. But it was a welcome sort of small. A safe small. It suggested that, no matter how huge the ocean might be, it kept whatever might dive from the sky stuck in a place that was far, far away from here.

He didn't want to go back to that. The shadows terrified him. But tomorrow, he would go with Will to speak to her Oracle, and then his fate would most certainly be sealed.

It was entirely possible that Valentine's hands were shaking terribly as he patted some more sand onto a sloppy mound that was probably supposed to resemble a sandcastle.

But he would never admit it.

(For Naminé)

Comments

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

After she mailed a letter -- a sketch, really -- to someone who might never get it, and may never write back if he did -- Naminé felt like taking a walk.

She wasn't sure how she ended up on the beach again. She wasn't expecting him to be on the beach again, either. But somehow seeing him silhouetted there making a sand castle made it seem like the most natural thing in the world.

She remembered to add the mask this time before she knelt down in the sand next to him. "Mind if I join you?"

[dark_slippy_thing]

Valentine couldn't help but smile an almost melancholy sort of smile as he looked up at her to see that she was already wearing the mask.

"Actually, I could use the company tonight," he insisted softly, nodding ever so slightly before his gaze fell back down to the sandcastle. "Preferably someone with an eye for the artistic. Apparently, I'm not so proficient at doing this alone as I had hoped."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

"Sandcastles do seem designed to be a joint endeavour," she said solemnly, setting her sketchpad down and placing her hands into the sandpiles. It was soothing, moving the sand into shapes like this.

"Are we to be making a regular thing of this? Meeting here and building structures. I would clear my schedule if I knew there was to be sand-castling."

[dark_slippy_thing]

"I would like that," Valentine said possibly a little too quickly, and then fell silent altogether, his shaky hands idling over the sand as he mulled something over in his head.
"...If I can."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

"If your schedule's too crowded, I can be flexible," she said lightly.

A moment later, in the same light tone, she added, "How bad is it?"

[dark_slippy_thing]

"I don't know," Valentine confessed, not daring to look up. "It could be nothing. It could be a breeze-in, wave your arms about and strut out undefeated deal. It could be nothing. Or I might not get through it ali--"

No, he didn't much want to finish that thought.

"It could be nothing. Or it could be bad."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

"I see," she said softly. And for a few moments she let the silence lapse over them both.

"Can I help, somehow?"

[dark_slippy_thing]

"I don't know," he mumbled with a small shake of his head, looking up and meeting her eyes. Something tore at his insides at the sight of her, and he had to look down again. "I'm not made for this. I've said it too many times now to count, but it's true. And I don't know that there's anything anyone can do to make me be able to do this. I don't want to do it. But it's..."

Will had practically accused him of being heartless. That word burned on some level that he didn't want to think of. But at the same time, he was beating himself up inside for not simply agreeing and resuming with his shallow and perfectly safe day-to-day life.

"I'll be leaving for a while. Going back to the world I'm from in some crazy attempt to clear it of the shadows and make everything right there again."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

Almost without realizing it, Naminé was shaping turrets into her castle wall.

"When will you be back?"

[dark_slippy_thing]

"If everything goes well?" Valentine shrugged his shoulders slightly and balled his shaking hands into nervous fists in an attempt to make them stay still. "Perhaps in time for Monday's workshop. I hope."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

"And if things go less favorably?" she asked softly.

[dark_slippy_thing]

He opened his mouth to speak and nothing came out.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried again. Still nothing.

So he just shook his head and continued to stare down at the sand.

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

Naminé closed her eyes and was very still for a few moments.

"Must you go?"

[dark_slippy_thing]

Valentine wasn't entirely certain how to reply to that. He hadn't agreed to get into this because of any noble reasons by a long shot... but he wasn't entirely certain why he was still considering doing this idiot suicide run, either.
'If I don't do it, who will?' crossed his mind for a moment, but it seemed so unnaturally brave to him, he couldn't even imagine saying those words.
"It's my home," he settled for at last. "There won't be anything left of it, soon, I think."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

"Then you must," she said, carefully not looking up.

The sand was cold under her fingers as she slowly packed along to make a wall.

Her voice was even quieter when she added, "I wish you didn't have to."

[dark_slippy_thing]

"I don't want to," he agreed softly. "I'll be trying to come back as soon as I can. I don't want to be away..." From here? From you? "...long."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

Silence again, as the waves crashed in and Naminé sat trying to put words around what she was thinking. Feeling, even.

"Promise me that you'll come back."

[dark_slippy_thing]

Mask eyes cannot shed tears. Valentine suddenly found this fact to be very fortunate, though it never would have occurred to him before he stumbled across this place. It was bad enough that his lungs were suddenly not wanting to cooperate and his voice was rebelling on him and his chest was tighter than he could remember it ever being. It would have been just that much worse if he were to cry on top of all of that.

"I can't promise that," he managed in an almost voiceless breath. "I wish I could. I really do..."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

"Then say it," she said, hurrying past a lump in her own throat. "Promises live deep in your heart, past your memories and your truths. Stronger than fate and chance and all the rest of it. If you promise me that you'll return here ... then you will."

[dark_slippy_thing]

He wasn't sure what to make of that, really. Valentine, who had never made a promise in his life, simply because he knew he'd be expected to keep them.
And here was a promise that he knew he couldn't guarantee would be kept. And he wanted to make it.
And here was the girl who changed her face for him, telling him to make it and it would keep itself.
And here was Valentine, nodding weakly and finding his voice again.
"Alright," he managed. "I promise... I'll come back."

[palestshadow.livejournal.com]

Naminé closed her eyes and let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Then it will all be all right."

[dark_slippy_thing]

And the tightness in Valentine's chest eased off a little, and he nodded.
"Alright," he agreed, looking up from the sandcastle and to her.
He wanted to believe it would be alright so badly, now. And even wanting to believe it made accepting that he was going to do this so much easier...

After a few moments of just looking at her in silence, he put his hands to the sand and once again resumed his efforts on building that elusive sandcastle.