dark_slippy_thing | Room 515, Thursday Night

Naminé...

Valentine weaved his way through the hallways of the dorms, dragging his feet up the steps to the fifth floor. On the fifth floor, there was someone who he had made a promise to. He was going to keep that promise. It had been too long. An eternity. A moment.

Lost again, broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand, dizzy and clearly
Unable to just let this go...

He was hearing whispering again. He did his best to ignore it as he stopped in front of the door to room 515, taking in a slow breath-- he had always taken breathing for granted before, he realized.

He wasn't ready for this.

I choose to live...

He wasn't ready for this!

I choose to live...

He had made a promise.

I choose to live...

He raised a hand and knocked on the door, staring at it uneasily.

(For Naminé.)

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From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

The music flowed back into the other song again, wrapping itself around them as Naminé consider his words.

"The drawing, in your room," she said. "That's why the portal took me there. Unless ..."

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown

She shook her head, trying to keep words from coming out. It didn't work. "Promises live in your heart. You made one to me. You couldn't go away, not while it stayed here. With ... with me."

Wait. In her heart? She had never been sure that she had one.

Catch me, heal me
Lift me back up to the sun

"You left something of yourself behind so you could come back. Promises keep themselves. I had to keep you safe until then."

Her fingers were trembling slightly.

I choose to live

From:

dark_slippy_thing

Valentine still wasn't entirely certain that was how it worked, really, but he was standing here and she was here and despite the whispers that were singing around them both and threatening to swallow up his mind, he couldn't argue that this was all real enough, even if perhaps he wasn't.

I choose to live

There were fingers trembling against his face.

Everything was so close.

She was so close.

I choose to live

And though he had the notion that he could put distance between the two of them- he could go to his own room and his own bed and lay down and sleep and he would continue to exist now because she had somehow managed to bring him back-- he didn't have it in him to attempt that just get.

The whispers twisted and danced around them, swelling and devouring them like the tendrils of shadows that surprisingly weren't entirely unwelcome.

I choose to live

A drawing of a sandcastle at sunset fluttered to the floor as he opened his hand and put it against her back, pulling her closer.

"I made you a promise," he muttered, ignoring the lump in his throat and the shortness to his breath and the near-overwhelming need to just fall to the floor and break down entirely. "I had to keep it."

I choose to live

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé's other hand was now on his shoulder, her breath catching as she looked up at him, except it wasn't really up, not when he was right here next to her

I am surrendering

her nose brushing against the edge of his mask

to gravity and the unknown

his hand still clasped over hers and she swallowed nervously

I choose to live

and closed her eyes.

From:

dark_slippy_thing

He wasn't real. She wasn't real. They were both standing there, fingers twined together and they were holding one another closer and closer still and if the world were to crumple around him all over again this very moment, Valentine would be satisfied. This one moment was more real to him than even the darkness of an hour before had been. The warmth and her breath and the whispers around them and his knees wanting to fall out from underneath him and his hand on her back and her hand on his shoulder and their hands clasped beside their faces and he leaned closer and there were her lips.

This was what real was.

Real was falling in every direction at once.

Gravity.

Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

If this was all there ever was, he'd be satisfied that it had been worth keeping their promise.

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé somehow hadn't quite believed any of this was happening, as if her mind was trying to protect her against a particularly vivid dream, until his lips pressed against hers.

She sighed, leaning forward almost eagerly.

I choose to live

Her fingers squeezed onto his lightly and her thoughts were flitting around crazily, he was real, he was back, he was kissing her, he was ... he was, and somehow she was responsible for it, and neither of them were real but both of them were and maybe existensialist queries were utterly beside the point when he was pulling her closer with one hand on her back and she was floating away.

I choose to live

From:

dark_slippy_thing

Valentine hadn't been entirely all there when he had come back, really. But now that his mind was spinning even more and doing nothing all at once, it was evident that he was even less there and totally with it all at once. There were lips and there was kissing and she wasn't pulling away and he wasn't remembering to breathe but that was alright because there were lips and there was kissing.

And there was her.

And this was all right here and real around him and it was easy enough to ignore the fact that his lungs were screaming at him because they probably weren't even real anyhow and they were kissing. But eventually his lungs won the battle and he pulled backward only a bare inch, his lips still brushing against hers, and he breathed.

He really had taken breathing for granted.

I choose to live

He had taken a great deal of things for granted.

I choose to live

He didn't want to let go of her.

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé's heart was pounding and she had to have one, she realized, that was what was spinning so fast and making her dizzy and

I choose to live

When he pulled away, she took a long gasping breath, shaking, lungs starved, and her thumb brushed lightly over their clasped fingers. She had never felt so scattered. Or so vibrant. Or so alive.

Alive. She was. How she got here didn't matter, any more than it did for him.

I choose to live

It had been two seconds and it had been entirely too long and impulsively she leaned forward to cover his lips with hers again.

From:

dark_slippy_thing

Two seconds was entirely enough time to surface for air. And he didn't mind terribly that he hadn't had enough time to take in another breath for more. He'd just have to learn to hold it, that's all. It seemed like a very worthy cause. Breath-holding for kissing. He'd organize a fun-run for it later, perhaps. Right now? There was kissing, breath or none, and it was Naminé and it seemed perfect all at once and for a moment, the past few weeks melted away entirely and there was nothing but the now, her, and their lips and hands and bodies and warmth.

When this moment ended, it would all drift back again and the background music would be mad whispers and he wouldn't be entirely real and he'd blame himself for everything all over again.

I choose to live

But the moment wasn't over yet, and instead of whispers and dreams and guilt, there was just this dizzying notion that everything was, for once, absolutely perfect.

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé only realized when she drew back again that the music had stopped, wondering why it had chosen that moment to retreat into the shadows again.

She stood for a long moment, forehead resting against his mask, trying to understand all of the emotions swirling around her at once, and finding nothing that made any sense.

Finally, flushing lightly, she disentangled herself from him, biting her lip. "It's good to have you back, then," she said softly, not quite meeting his eyes. "We were concerned. Have you spoken to your roommate? Do you know how long you were gone?"

She turned away to find her mask again. Possibly in more ways than one.

From:

dark_slippy_thing

"I..." Valentine stared at the back of her head and tried to gather up his voice and his breath and his mind all at once, with very little success. "I came right here after the sun went down," he managed, pausing a moment more to piece together some semblance of a reply that didn't make him sound like he had completely lost his mind.

Even if he mostly had.

"I might have been gone forever. Or not so long as that, perhaps. I don't think there's any time when there's nothing at all. Time goes away with the rest of it and everything seems entirely too long..."

... Please turn around...

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé placed the mask over her face, wondering if she should have warned him about it being a real mask and not the slip of paper she'd been using for that purpose; she'd purchased one while he was away, thinking it was some guarantee towards getting him back, but perhaps he'd think it odd that she suddenly changed her face right in front of him.

"There," she said, turning around with a nervous smile. "Now at least you'll be seeing someone with a complete face."

She had nearly said kissing. And yet it seemed as though all of that couldn't have happened, that a few moments ago she was in his arms and his lips had moved over hers.

"It's been nearly a month."

The silence was deafening.

From:

dark_slippy_thing

If Valentine was phased by her sudden change of face, he really didn't show it at all.

A face was a face was a mask was a face was Naminé was a face with a mask on it which was still her and really didn't matter regardless.

But he did appreciate the gesture. Focusing on the gesture made it easier for his mind to not break in two when she told him how long it had been.

The whispers would have made for a pleasant distraction right about now, but they weren't singing at him anymore.

"... That long?"

Even if it hadn't been forever, a month was long enough, apparently.

"I would have come back sooner..."

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

"I fear that's my fault," she said quickly. "If all it took to return you was me mailing a sketch, then I'm ashamed to think of how long it was before I considered the idea."

She clasped her hands in front of her, feeling awkward. "You've missed new students coming in, and the start of classes, but I suppose that's not important."

None of this was important and why was she standing over here talking to him incessantly of things that didn't matter instead of walking to him again and telling him how scared she had been, that he would never come back? Putting her arms around him to tell him he was here and real and so was she and maybe tilting her face to his again to see if that was a fluke or a chance of the music or if he would kiss her again?

She swallowed quickly and waited for him to say something.

From:

dark_slippy_thing

He shook his head a little, not wanting her for a moment to think that any of what he had been through was somehow her own fault.

"I can catch up on classes, and the new students would be new to me either last week or this one... that doesn't matter so much." His lips turned into a frown and he looked downward at the floor. "But don't for a second blame yourself for how long I was gone. I said I'd be back, didn't I? And I am, now, and I wouldn't be otherwise."

And it was my own fault and I deserved it and don't blame yourself for this; I messed up.

The words that he didn't want to say.

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé nodded. "Right, then. It's ... it will be all right, you know. You're here, however it happened. That's what matters."

She stepped closer, almost daring to reach out for him again, and instead stooped quickly to pick up the fluttered sheet of paper lying on the ground, the only real proof she had that their embrace wasn't some strange flight of delirium in her mind.

"I didn't imagine my drawings would be useful again," she mused. "I wasn't trying to change anything, this time."

From:

dark_slippy_thing

Helena hadn't really been trying to change anything when she created his world, had she been? She had seemed so surprised to see everything resemble things she had drawn. Did that make all of it some sort of accident, then? Was he a side-effect of a girl playing with charcoals?

Right now, was he just crayon?

No, no, he wasn't just crayon. Crayon didn't kiss or feel guilt or worry. He hoped.

"Drawings can be... very surprising that way, I suppose," he decided at last, watching the piece of paper in her hand closely. He wanted to reach back, but she had pulled away once before. He didn't want to ... crowd her, or whatever.

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé looked at it for a long moment before holding it out to him. "It's yours, I believe, should you want it." She smiled a little wistfully. "It isn't much, I fear; I'm not much of an artist."

I won't be hurt if you don't take it.

It's only a drawing, and a rather silly crayon one at that.

It isn't important. I'll understand.

How are we standing so close again?

From:

dark_slippy_thing

"Isn't much...?"

Valentine stared at the sheet of paper in her hand, waxy tones of crayon yellows and blues smiling up at him from the page.

Isn't much...?

She had gotten so close to him again. It would be so easy to just...

To just...

He reached out and pulled her into a hug, resting his cheek against hers.

"I'm afraid you don't understand," he whispered into her ear. "That piece of paper might be 'not much' to you, but it's more than that to me. Naminé, that drawing is my whole world."

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé only resisted a moment before leaning forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder.

"No," she said softly. "You have the whole world in front of you now. It was just the gateway to get you here."

From:

dark_slippy_thing

Valentine's mind raced about for something to reply to that with. What it was coming up with possibly wasn't fit to actually be spoken.

Gateway or world, it was more than I should have had.

I deserved it.

It was my fault.

I did something terrible.

You're very warm.

I don't want to let you go.

"Thank you..."

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Naminé shook her head quickly, easing back a little. "I did what I could, that's all. It wasn't much but it was enough, and that makes it worth a great deal. You don't --"

She bit her lip and looked at him a bit oddly, head tilted to the side. "You don't owe me any consideration or favors or anything like that."

From:

dark_slippy_thing

"You pulled me out of blackness," Valentine said, returning the odd look she was giving him with a somewhat baffled sideways look of his own. "What in the world could I possibly do anyhow to repay something like that?"

He loosened his grip on her, even if he did still have the wild notion in the back of his bedraggled mind that if he were to let go, everything would slip back into the dark again. "I'm thankful, but what you did, I don't think I could return as a favor if ever I tried anyhow."

...

And anything else? That wasn't a favor. That was just the pure selfish desire to not ever have to leave her again. Which he wasn't entirely certain he could make sense of, really, but it was there, and that was enough to make him linger with his hands against her back for a moment more before they fell to his sides again.

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

"Then don't," she said, biting her lip. "Just be. Be here, be real, be whatever you are. That's all I ask, if I were in a place to make requests."

Naminé was oddly reluctant to leave the circle where his arms had been, but not quite certain enough to slip her own arms around his waist. So she stood, still standing too close, hugging herself, and wishing she knew what to say next.

"I'm ... I'm very glad that you're back," she managed.

From:

dark_slippy_thing

Back. She was glad that he was back. That was a notion that took some work to wrap his mind around. He was glad that he was back as well, of course, but being told by anyone else that they were glad to see him?
The last person who had confessed to being happy to have him around, he had turned around and selfishly betrayed. He felt almost guilty hearing Naminé tell him the same thing now, even if he didn't have underhanded schemes in mind for her.
He wanted to say something.
But he was suddenly afraid that opening his mouth would only lead into him blurting out the reasons why nobody should ever be glad to have him back, and he said nothing at all.
He just did the same thing he did the last time someone told him that she was glad to have him about. He put a finger in the air, took a breath, and then just shook both his finger and his head a little and looked downward.
Yeah. He was glad that he was back, too...

From:

palestshadow.livejournal.com

Her breath caught at how heartbreakingly devestated he looked, and before she could talk herself out of it she slid her arms around him and tilted her face up to his, eyes seeking out his, wishing he had more than pinholes for her to read.

"Was it so terrible, in the void? You're here now, it's safe, I promise you. You won't be lost like that again."